So I’m slightly pissed I can’t scale the size of my Disqus regions, but what can you do. Most of the functionality of my former template is back. Time for bed or whatever now!

Time for bed. There’s always time to rip out one’s hair over Tumblr themes tomorrow.

Blog is still a bit broken. Bear with me.

Today is my cousin Jennifer’s 26th birthday. In celebration, yesterday saw six groups of friends and family take on an Amazing-Race-type tour of Melbourne.

How humiliating public dancing, spicy crazy wings, paltry billiard skills and cryptic hints relate to her day of birth, I’ll never know. What I do know is that we all had a pretty awesome time.

I probably had too much of a great time. By most accounts I turned into a competitive, win-at-all-costs monster, quite literally pushing people out of my way. Nearly even knocked over the birthday girl at the finish line. I just need a win sometimes in life, okay.

My team ended up coming third. In reality second—if not for some totally bogus extra points for one overly enthusiastic team dressing in B-Boy costume. Like, when did gold stars for effort actually translate to cold hard points? That’s not how it effing works?

Afterwards we had a Vietnamese banquet on Victoria Street. Dessert was this nifty fried ice-cream with a flaming sugar cube atop. I took photos (as per questionable Asian stereotype), but my phone’s camera is so crap that even it is not worthy of my already sub-par blog.

In any case, Happy Birthday Jen! It was all about YOU, and not about my vicious competitive streak, nearly knocking you over or my obsessions about food—as you could clearly tell from this post.

Love you!

M

I decided to reward myself for completing one measly online test with A BRAND NEW PHONE. Good bye hundreds of dollars! Hello shiny new Blackberry Q10!

Yes, I always do this. I spend wildly about once a year—new iMac? Sure, why the hell not. Already got an iPad? Who cares, give it to Mum and GET YOURSELF ANOTHER!

Seriously I am the worst example of someone buying (literally) into the ‘system’.

I like to think that eventually I’ll hit the perfect balance—where everything I own will suit me just fine. But who am I kidding. Damn technology and its constant flux and rapid evolution, bah.

At the very least I tend not to spend on clothes (maybe a bunch of items once a year). I mean some dickheads spend $300 bucks on jeans. Tell me that’s not more ridiculous? Shiny new tech is my vice; just let me have that!

Anyway here’s what my new phone be lookin’ like.

Oh hello seven pages of crap. What’s this? You want ME to condense you into a page and a half of succinct prose fit for the modern-day government official short on time?

Umm, ain’t nobody got time for that.

Seven pages of 11 pt font. Blurrrrrgh.

Well fuck you everyone for making me feel guilty that it’s Mother’s day tomorrow and I’ve done nothing to action the responsibility of being someone else’s son. Can you all please remember that it’s not like I chose to born?

Anyway, I guess I should get a present or something. Though last year when I did, she pretty much told me straight out I should have just given her cash instead. I.e. “Oh that’s nice Matthew, good try, but no.” I give her ample points for frankness.

Anyone want to give me suggestions on what to get my mummy?